The CRUDNONSENSE Post

March 12th, 2026

Extra Extra! Exclusive Interview!

We've managed to land an exclusive interview with a man from Idaho (who wishes to remain anonymous) who claims to have the ability of riding a bike upside-down.

This anonymous man, Jimmy as he will be called for the rest of the article, contacted us through E-Mail and claimed to be able to ride his bike while flipped upside-down on solid flat tarmac. At first, this seemed physically impossible, but our informant returned claiming; "Wow, dude was legit. Like, seriously. Mad moves on this man, for real for reell. (sic)" We contacted Jimmy and he shortly arrived at our studio parking lot with a Dave Mirra brand BMX suspension bike. Everyone in the office came out to watch this impressive physics-defying stunt, which ended with Jimmy in the ICU with a broken tailbone and my team of staff left severely dissapointed. When prompted on his views on the situation, executive print manager Jerry Chrisler said; "Not cool dude. Seriously. Not cooool.(sic) He just sorta flopped around like a dying trout and we had to pay for his hospital bill." So, my team of interviewers decided to interview Jimmy after the incident. It took a bit of prodding, and we had to take a few breaks because he needed a catheter change and his IV drip needed to be refilled but here's what we got.

The Interview:

Peter: "Did you really have the ability to ride your bike upside down on flat tarmac?"

Jimmy: "Of course, but your weather conditions sucked and the ground wasn't right. Why did you let me do it if you knew that was going to happen? (scoff or grunt of pain)"

Peter: "What was different from your test tracks?"

Jimmmy: "You punks didn't use tarmac, I said tarmac didn't I? That was mixed cement, my foot must've caught on one of the rocks, dweebsack (?)"

Peter: "Pardon, but what exactly is a "dweebsack"?"

Jimmy: "Whatever you are, you [THE FOLLOWING WAS REDACTED DUE TO HEAVY USE OF EXPLETIVES]"

Peter: "OI! Let's see how strong you feel when that IV stand [THE FOLLOWING WAS REDACTED DUE TO HEAVY USE OF EXPLETIVES]"

Peter was escorted out of the room for safety concerns as the fight had escalated to Peter attempting to smother Jimmy with his own hospital pillow.

A new interviewer was promptly sent in in place of Peter

Carson: "So, what do you think the exact reasoning behind the failure was?"

This question prompted the best and last part of our interview before it was cut short by Peter slamming into the side of the building in a white jacked 1997 Firebird.

"I wasn't wearing my Ninjago shoes." -Jimmy

Jimmy's Ninjago shoes

In other news, former interviewer who worked for The CRUDNONSENSE Post; Peter Jaresson was recently admitted to the Palmtree Adult Mental Institution following an aggresive attack against Yorkshire Idaho resident Thomas Value during his stay at the intensive care unit of Kent County District Public Hospital. We tried to interview him, but we were only able to get one quote, which he insisted be hoisted up onto the front of our building "in memoriam of (his) legacy" so we thought to include it.

"THEY ARE LISTENING, THEY SEND INFORMANTS THAT AREN'T MEN AND THEY MASQUERADE AMONGST US, TELL EVERYONE! TELL THEM ALL! THE RICH, THE POOR, THE MIDDLE CLASS AND THE SINGLE MOTHERS! LET THEM ALL KNOW!" -Peter Jaresson

Peter was then promptly beaten by an officer before being able to finish his rant and was dragged away in a strait jacket.

Sorry, I had way too much fun making the jokes for this assignment, I went a little bit crazy with it. Hopefully this is all in bounds and allowed because I spent quite a bit of effort trying to make this as funny as possible (at least to my senses of humor)